The unsmiling smile.

Growing up she was told about the 3 smiles.  For the public and persons unknown there is the smile from the mouth, the simple upturning of lips, it is easy anyone can all do it with requiring nothing in return. The I see you smile is in the eyes, this is a little deeper a little harder to share. It shares the inner delight and wonder of things offering a personal connection. The last smile is the hardest, this is your hearts smile, this smile shares your soul, it glows and sings, it warms you from the inside out, this smile can be found in a hug or meeting of hearts. She loved this smile, it felt the very best.

Days flowed into years and she grew up, moved away and on a pleasant afternoon while sitting quietly watching the world go past people smiling and not stopping, not touching, not knowing those around them, rushing through a life filled with reasons to smile. And it dawned on her, she was smiling too, just like them, just the upturned lips.  And her heart cried! Why had no one warned her? Did they know that this could happen? how did you find your hearts smile again and how did you not know you had lost it? Did anyone else know that under all the smiles there were none? Was she the only one?

{a short story}

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The wolf that wasn’t what she thought…

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We have all heard the story of the little boy that cried wolf, well long story short he was a lier and got eaten, feel free to go read it for yourself… ” The Boy that Cried Wolf”, in that story the author deals with the lies we tell others and the consequences thereof. But what if that wolf never came? What if this wolf is the lies we tell ourselves? What if this wolf no one else will ever see? What if this wolf is mistaken for something else?  oooh all the what if’s, but, seriously, just what if?…

This little girl grew up only hearing about the wolves, and these wolves got bigger and meaner with each telling and they were out to get her. At the deepest part of the night, they will come howling out of the winter dark forest looking for, well, her. But she must never scream, cry or talk about the wolves unless they were actually there,  so every night after the lights went out she would huddle under the blankets listening for the wolves and each night she would be sure that this time she had heard them, this time they would get in, this time.  This went on day by day, week by week, year in year out she would wake up with the half-remembered sound of phantom howls echoing in her ears thinking to herself that maybe this time it was that wolf she heard.

The thing is,  no one told her it was just a story. No one said its purpose was to teach and not just scare the kids on a dark night. No one told her there are no real wolves left. And so when her time was up and her allotted years came to a close, in that final stilness before dawn she realized that the wolves she had heard were hers. Her internal unshared truths about who she was. She never had anything to be afraid of but herself.

[a short story]

 

The day she fell in love… with herself.

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It was a dark and stormy night…. just kidding it was a stunningly clear and chill evening when she for the first time in over 2 decades lay down to look up at the stars all the bands of white splattering the night sky with sparkling twinkling indifferent lights and somewhere in her heart a crack started, it was not the same, this was peaceful, this was innocence returned, oh this was good!  For the first time since the night so many years ago that thing that had caused her eyes to drop, to never linger too long, to not look up in wonder of the universe, that thing, was not even a memory anymore in fact the thing had not made its insidious little way into her heart till just then, and wonder of wonder it did not hurt, it left no shame it curled up powerless and slid away in the revelation she was not that person anymore. She put her arms around herself and finally said it, I love you.

And in the peace of a rekindled love of the boundless sky she celebrated that she was loved, most of all by herself, the imperfect, tempestuous, loving, giving, broken soul that had found that gold now held her cracks together, Never to be the same again but that is okay, the adventure has begun, with hope, joy and knowing that she is who she is and that is enough.

[a short story]